Wayne's writings

CHRISTMAS IN LIMBO

    The streets were darkened early at this time of the year in Limbo as I looked out through my un-curtained window. Wet snow was making walking near impossible. Ms Nicholas a plump and jolly young elf was trudging along pulling a sleigh full of kids. She was in difficulty with bare spots slowing the sleigh so she had to use two hands and walk backwards to move along with any speed. She came to the house of ill favor and was greeted by the local biddy and apparently she was not pulling the sleigh to her satisfaction. I could see an argument brewing and Ms. Nicholas hurries along but two of the kids got out of the sleigh and started pelting the old biddy with snow-balls. We called her the old biddy because she was angry with everyone and everything. She must have had some real hardships to make her like this.

  The flashing blue light from the snow plow now came close and gave a ghoulish glow to the faces across the street. It rolled a bank of snow up high enough that the old biddy wouldn?t get her car out. This was met by the style of her and said in a scream that she will call the police on them for blocking her driveway. The two children now off the sleigh and with one mitt off were giving the finger to the old biddy. Guess it was the kids? way of saying Merry Christmas. The biddy then told Ms. Nicholas to use the other sidewalk from now on. She spun around and went into the house closing the door with such a bang that it shattered the glass. Ms Nicholas placed her two children in the sleigh and continued pulling them towards their home about two more blocks away.

  Everything seemed quite now and peaceful with some snow starting to fall. The big snowflakes drifting silently down to the road under the street light made a beautiful scene. In the distance there was the sound of music with a chorus of voices singing a Christmas carol, ?O Come All Ye Faithful? I think it was. Then it was over run by a pipe band playing some marching song. It was a beautiful sound all the more valuable to me as it was getting close to Christmas. My thoughts roamed from the clash back on my street with that old biddy to the peaceful sounds coming from the parade.

The parade was going to be going along the main street which was only two streets over, so I thought I would go this year. I got there ahead of the parade and found a nice place to watch it from the steps in the front of an apartment building. Yes it was a complete winter evening now with things going on in a peaceful manner. The bands were great and the floats were just gorgeous, with Christmas songs and winter sleigh ride tunes making it one to remember.

It seemed as if I was standing there for close to an hour and was thinking that it would be nice to see the last float go by and I could go home for a long winters sleep as the day was pretty active for me.

The next two floats were playing ?Here Comes Santa Claus? with the first group having the bells and xylophones? with their rather shrill notes being answered by the next group that had the base drums, tubas and saxophones. It was such a unique way they used with two band groups playing and answering each other with snow flakes drifting slowly towards the road. Yes, it was the perfect Santa Claus Parade. It made me feel young again and my mind drifted to some of the parades I attended over the years. I was at peace as if the Angels from heaven were walking along with the parade.

The peace on earth song from the float just before Santa was soon turned into something like the Lone Rangers song because one of the tractors back fired and startled the horses that were pulling Santa. The crowd screamed and stepped back to avoid the horse drawn Santa float, which veered to the left and started passing all the other floats. That bang from the tractor must have done it as the horses went wild at full speed beside the many floats on the road. The bystanders narrowly missed being trodden down, by the massive team of six Clydesdale horses. Sheer panic now gripped the onlookers with screams that would curdle Dracula?s blood.

    Santa was tugging the reigns as hard as the little elf could. But it was of little effect to the massive horses. Santa?s face was as red as Rudolph?s nose, it seemed. Santa was partially out of his sleigh now with one leg dangling in the wind and the reigns tied around his little bare hands. Even with me standing back on the steps, the horses were coming much too fast and too close for comfort. It was Panic? It was sheer Mayhem tonight.

   The screams of the people were intensified as parts of Rudolph, Donder and Blitzen were dropping from the float that seconds before made them proud specimens pulling Santa?s sleigh. By now most of Santa?s helpers had jumped from the runaway sleigh or had been tossed with their costumes blowing in the snowy breeze which now was intensified by the speed of the dashing Clydesdale team of six horses. They were all rolling into the snow banks on each side of the main street as I crossed my fingers hoping that their fall wouldn?t kill them.

  As the runaway sleigh now passed me, Santa made the expected leap to freedom from the ride of terror. He was part way out of the sleigh but had the reigns wrapped around his leg causing him to spin un-controllably onto the snow bank. He was now sliding on his butt with legs spread like a snow plow going backwards. He clenched his head with his two now reddened hands to hold it from bouncing on the road. I am sure at this time he was not thinking about checking any list twice.  No, I bet he was thinking about survival. With a crunch and a screaming roar he stopped quite quickly against the parking meter on my side of the street. His now much reddened mitten less hands reached down to grab his crotch as the pain must have been horrific.

My own eyes, now covered as I was at the end of what a man can witness without losing his sanity, moved slowly from my face. The runaway sleigh, now about a town block away and seemingly to be gathering more speed, left a trail of broken stuffed reindeers with hobbling elf helpers limping and crawling in endless circles wondering which way was up. Thankfully most of them were walking, so I knew that death had spared them. However tragedy was still lurking when two of the beautiful girl helpers had their beautiful full white dresses torn off in the excitement. They held hands and walked, with limping limbs, clad with only those slight thongs that the young ladies wear as underwear. Reddened bottoms and unsmiling faces were getting to be common at this time but two young men came running to their rescue with their jackets for them for protection from the cold and the eyes of what now seemed like a mob by this time.

   Under my winter coat I could feel my heart beating out the Lone Rangers song so I thought I would just sit down till the beating heart slowed down. This was going to be a Santa Claus Parade that I will never forget. It also was going to be my last one as I vowed, and pledged to myself never to go out side in the evening this close to Christmas again. The music had stopped and it seemed the runaway team got corralled in the Giant Tiger parking lot as the sight of the giant tiger must have halted them in their tracks. Someone was holding on to the lead horse by the bridle and was being lifted up and down repeatedly, for what seemed hours, till the team settled down. My prayers were out loud. ?Please God; stop any gunshots or noises that will start the mad cycle again. Send all your powerful Angels to help out here Amen?.

   The pulse in my temples was slowing down and my heart was beating a seemingly normal beat for my age and condition. Sirens now coming from both ends of the parade gave a somber note to the preceding Christmas Carrols. Three men peeped out of the Tavern door to see what all the commotion was and they appeared to be somewhat dazed. The two last to come out were a little more sober that the first man and they looked for a while at the situation then went back to their table in the Bar and Tavern. However the first man, being a little tipsy, went over to Santa and tried to get into the ambulance with him. The police now on the scene didn?t take to the extra man being in the way so they sent him away with a warning that he will be charged if he is seen here again. He faded into the snow but first he picked up Santa?s hat and boots then staggered into the increasing snow storm.

The snow was getting heavier and the wind picked up some which made me pull up my collar and zip up the jacket. Santa was sitting glassy eyed, holding his crotch, while an ambulance attendant was talking to him. Santa?s boots were gone and so were his mitts and beard and, I?m sure, his pride, as the main attraction of the annual Santa Claus Parade.

The parade was over now and the police were helping straighten out some of the tangled floats so they could get on their way. The team of Clydesdales was being operated by their rightful owner and was graceful in their stride with nostrils steaming to add some beauty to the evening. A picture of some hot soup and biscuits came into my mind as I walked those last two streets home. I was leaning into the wind as the storm seemed to increase. Snow swirled into little tornados resembling dust devils on the desert sand. My home was a welcome sight as my feet creaked out cool sounds on the new snow.

The rest of the evening was used to relax and calm my nerves. Some hot soup added a nice touch of comfort while I watched TV for a while. Soon I found myself drifting into a long winters nap while visions of the evening silently passed before my eyes.

It was after eight am before I woke and the day looked cool but promising with the sun starting its way up the arc of its winter trail giving some nice but short days. The coffee carafe needed cleaning so I attended this and made some fresh coffee. The chair sat close to the window allowing me to see what was going on across the street. Sure enough it looked like I was going to be entertained again. She was talking to the man next door to her but he was up on his ladder cleaning some of the snow from the porch roof. She was pointing over at her house which had just a small roof over the door but it was piled high with snow.

The pop of the toaster told me that toast was ready so I buttered two pieces and smeared a bit of marmalade on it then sat down in the comfort of my rocker to watch the bright day that seemed to be ahead of me. The window sill provided a neat place to rest the coffee and toast between bites and sips and a window like a theater screen to the world.

The old biddy?s arms were flailing somewhat towards Bob her neighbor, so I had to imagine what the words were. The theme seemed to be that if Bob just got up on his roof she could use his ladder to scoop off the small roof over her front door.  My guess seemed to be right on as she took the ladder over to her porch and set it up so she could climb up with the snow-shovel and remove any amount of snow that gathered over night. I set back and sipped my coffee again being quite tickled that my mind reading was right on with the ladder.

Some ladders have a rope to extend the second section with the help of a rope and this one did also but when the biddy took the ladder over to her house across the driveway the rope then laid across the trailer ball on Bob?s car. My eyes popped open real wide as I saw Bob?s wife get into their car and start to roll out of the driveway. I panicked and was going to phone over there but with no one in the two houses there was little need for this so I just sat back and held on to the rocker arms and watched a most startling chain of events.

My window was stuck closed so I couldn?t call over and my only recourse was to watch the event from here. The rope slid across the hitch alright till the last several inches then as my mind had seen seconds before the rope caught on the ball of the trailer hitch. Well mind power just didn?t work on Susan, bob?s wife who, in business like fashion, backed out of the driveway and proceeded down the road with the rope still caught in the ball of the hitch. Yelling did nothing and she proceeded, rope and all, followed by the old Biddy firmly standing on the ladder wondering just what has happened.

She stood on the now lowered ladder like she was on skies going backwards.

Stepping onto the front porch gave me a better view of the whole scene. The ladder followed the car by the forty feet or so of rope, then the ladder with the biddy standing backwards with arms swinging trying to keep her balance. Susan was driving quickly and business like as usual not seeing anything at all going on behind her.

Susan came to the corner and applied the brakes and she felt and heard the loud thump of something hitting her car and at the same time the noise of the ladder sliding right under her car out and to the center of the intersection. Within two seconds the ladder was run over by Knowles Oil delivery truck and Susan was out of her car pacing the scene trying to get a call through on her cell phone. Meanwhile the old biddy, her face resembled the combined faces of a dozen tormented gargoyles as she kneeled behind the car, screaming and chanting curses to the street and the world she lived in.

This I thought had the makings of a certain type of day which happens here in Limbo every once in a while. Well it seemed worth my while to get dressed and take a closer look at what was happening. Bob had arrived there to comfort his wife, now crying and extremely upset and shaking uncontrollably, as she looked at the biddy somehow attached to her little car trailer hitch as if in mating season.

Then I got there, there were several people now around as well as the salting crew making sure that the intersection was salted quite well. The Knowles Oil delivery truck was somehow over the ladder that seemed to fold up neatly into four sections but just high enough to raise one of the wheels above the road to keep it from moving. The trailer hitch must have felt awfully cold to the old biddy I thought, and big. I also gave in with my thoughts trying not to smile as I knew she must be in total agony. There were quite a few people gathering around the accident scene, but none were able to be of any help as this certainly was a special sort of accident.

Police sirens again broke through the tone of the people talking and an ambulance came from the opposite direction. More people seemed to be gathering and the voice of the biddy grinding out misery which I am sure she was in. A fate not deserving to any human being or animal was handed out to this lady today and not deserving of anything this horrible. There was no sign of bleeding or broken bones as she could twist her head around to each of her sides and this was somewhat of a relief no matter how much of a trouble maker she was. For some reason unknown to most people this old biddy was mad at the world and she reacted defensively to everyone and now it seems like the powers that be handed her another bout of misery.

A fireman came along side of her and placed his arm around her then told her that she was going to get out of this mess in a short while then he patted her on the back and said to hang in there.. The fireman, now with his helper, crawled under the back of the car with a big pry bar and a small sledge. After several hammer taps, the policeman told the ambulance crew to get ready to catch her as she will be freed from the car in a minute, and just at the same instant she yelled and slumped onto the stretcher now under her. Quickly they lifted her up and now the trailer hitch ball was clearly imbedded into her rump and she was unable to straighten her legs because of the terrible pain. The ambulance attendants did their job very well, and fast, as it was only a couple more minutes and they had her with a pillow under her and strapped down with her face onto another pillow as she had to be transported with her rump facing up.

The crowd was getting bigger as the ambulance sped away to the local hospital which was on the south end of town facing the river. The whole scene was one that was hard to understand with all the seemingly co-incidences happening. The end result, not meaning to joke as I say these words is that things are not always normal and some events like this can happen with the run away Santa sleigh and this latest tragedy that sent the old biddy to the hospital.

The skies were promising and the sun was warming away the chill that was around early today. Hunger seemed to be the concern I faced at the moment as the toast had long settled and it was nearing the noon hour. It was about half way to my house or the restaurant and the restaurant won this time.

T he parking lot at Mel?s Diner was filling up and I was close by and a few more steps brought me to the restaurants door. It was a busy spot this morning but Saturdays was always a busy time here in downtown Limbo. The aroma of bacon, coffee and the usual fixens for meals was finding a pleasant reception from my senses. My order was taken and the waitress asked if I had seen the accident. Yes I said and it was quite a sight but thankfully I don?t think it was life threatening for her. The old biddy was quite known around town and soon the tables were buzzing with accounts of the accident with bouts of laughter every few minutes from all the tables.

As I left the restaurant the street I was on was close to the church and I thought I would just take a stroll through the Christmas Lane this year. It was sunny now but the snow was still on the trees leaving that Christmas texture that adds to any scene. The Lane was empty except for me and two young children walking ahead of me. There were a lot of people coming from behind so I let them pass me as I was in no hurry and it was a nice scene. The Sheppard?s with their camels and belongings, along with the three wise men and the Kings from the east made the scene an enjoyable sight.

It the end was the last scene of the Virgin Mary and the Christ child. It was there that some of the children started giggling and some of the people were smirking and a few burst out laughing. Still there was nothing that I saw at the moment to make a person laugh, but this soon changed when I looked behind the manger. What it was, was a man, apparently in a drunken condition, on hands and knees with a bottle of wine of some sort in his hand.  He also had a Santa hat on and black Santa boots. The scene rapidly returned back to the parade from the evening before and then it came to me. It was the man from the bar that took Santa?s boots, hat and mitts when they were placing Santa on the stretcher to get into the ambulance.

Well He was barely able to stand but he did and swayed to the tune of Silent Night and some other favorite Christmas carols. Yes, old Eddie was another one quite well known in town and the people laughed with him as he was offering Saint Joseph a drink from his bottle. The song changed to ?I wish you a merry Christmas.?  I had a nice warm glow come upon me and I felt something from way deep inside tell me that I was special because I lived In Limbo.

The End

Wayne Sturgeon

© Sept, 4th.2006